The Person in the Mirror

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Authenticity in Management

There’s a moment in every manager’s life when they look in the mirror and wonder:

“Am I still myself… or just a version of what others expect me to be?”

That’s usually when authenticity knocks on the door. Not as a grand revelation, but as a quiet discomfort, a sense that something is off between how you act and who you are.

We often hear that “authentic leaders are the best leaders.” It’s everywhere in books, podcasts, and corporate speeches. But what does it really mean? And why do so many smart, capable managers get it wrong?

The Myths About Authenticity in Management

Let’s start with busting a few popular myths about authenticity, as they are often what keep authenticity trapped behind polite professionalism.

1. “Authenticity means saying whatever I think.”

No, it doesn’t. That’s impulsivity, not authenticity. Being authentic doesn’t mean spilling every thought that crosses your mind. It means aligning what you say with what you believe and doing it with respect, timing, and emotional intelligence. Authenticity without empathy becomes arrogance.

Imagine a manager in a leadership meeting, frustrated with the proposal of his team, who cuts it short with an abrupt “Let’s be honest, this plan makes no sense”, shutting down any discussion. The comment might be true, but the way it’s delivered shuts down the discussion. The team freezes, some roll their eyes, and others stop contributing. But for sure, the team will feel that the psychological safety is compromised.

The manager might even walk away thinking, “Well, at least I was honest.” And he technically might be right. But he would lose his people in the way he reacted.

Honesty isn’t the same as authenticity. Authenticity would sound more like:

“I’m struggling to see how this plan fits with our priorities. Can we walk through the logic together?”

The second version still expresses truth, but it invites dialogue instead of defensiveness. It’s self-aware rather than self-centred. In addition, it invites the team to remain accountable for their proposal and for their thought process, and to learn what makes their proposal not work or insufficient.

That’s the essence of authentic leadership: speaking from conviction, not reaction. Because being real doesn’t mean being raw. It means being responsible for the impact of your words while staying true to their intent.

2. “As I’m authentic, people must like me.”

Just another trap. Authenticity it’s an act of integrity and not a strategy for approval. Sometimes being authentic means standing for something unpopular. It means telling a team member a hard truth. Or saying “no” when everyone else is nodding “yes”. If everyone likes you all the time, you’re probably editing yourself too much.

Take, for example, an operational manager in a logistics company. The CEO announces an ambitious delivery target in a board meeting. It looks great on paper, but it ignores recent supply shortages and warehouse maintenance issues.

Everyone around the table stays silent. The operational manager feels a knot in the stomach. She knows that speaking up might make her unpopular. But silence would make her dishonest. It is just one of those many moments in management when authenticity collides with hierarchy.

So she takes a breath and says:

“I understand the target’s intent, but we’re currently two trucks short and have a supplier delay. If we don’t adjust the rollout plan, we’ll risk failing both on delivery and credibility. I’d like to propose a phased approach so that we can still meet the goal, just with a realistic timeline.”

There’s a pause. The room shifts. The CEO listens.

That’s authenticity in action: not defiance, not compliance, but clarity with respect. She didn’t speak to prove she’s right; she spoke to protect what’s real.

Authentic leaders don’t react from an inner need to be liked or validated. Their words respectfully convey the truth, and therefore, they are trusted. And many times in management, trust is born exactly in those uncomfortable moments when courage sounds like disagreement.

3. “Authenticity is natural. You either have it or you don’t.”

Many managers believe that authenticity comes effortlessly, that some people are simply “born genuine.” In reality, authenticity develops through awareness and deliberate practice. It grows each time you notice when your words or actions drift away from your values and you choose to realign them.

Think of a middle manager who just got promoted and now sits at the table with directors. In his previous role, he spoke openly, laughed easily, and connected naturally with his team. But now, surrounded by senior leaders, he finds himself measuring every word. He nods more than he speaks, afraid of sounding inexperienced.

At first, he convinces himself that this is maturity. Yet, over time, he starts feeling strangely detached from his work. The meetings drain him as his energy goes more to censoring his words and deeds than to collaborating freely with the other managers. His team senses that something has changed, though no one can name it.

One day, after a tense meeting, a colleague says quietly, “You used to speak with conviction. What happened?” That question stings, but it wakes him up.

He begins observing himself in conversations. Before each meeting, he takes a moment to ground his thoughts: What do I really think about this topic? What matters most to me here? Slowly, his genuine voice returns. He contributes with calm confidence. His objective in communication now is to add clarity, not to impress.

That is the practice of authenticity. It is not a fixed quality but a muscle you strengthen each time you choose presence over performance.

How We Get in Our Own Way

Managers rarely lose authenticity by choice. At first, they operate under external pressure, trying to meet expectations, adjust to a new culture, belong to a new “tribe”, remain close friends with an “old tribe” or project a more “managerial” image.

Only later do they notice the growing gap between who they truly are and how constrained they feel in certain situations. They remember how natural and confident they once felt and realise how far they’ve drifted from that ease. And they forget to be and act in an authentic manner.

Authenticity doesn’t vanish in a single moment. It fades slowly, through small, well-intentioned adjustments.

You start by adapting to fit the team’s style. You want to sound diplomatic, polished, strategic. Then one day, you realise your voice has become safe. Predictable. Almost rehearsed. And you feel regret or even remorse for what you said or maybe not said in due time or at the right moment, or as if you lack your usual power.

Here also lies a paradox: the more you advance as a leader, the stronger the pressure to appear flawless. Yet perfection quietly suffocates authenticity.

Let’s look at a few common self-sabotaging habits.

1. The “chameleon” reflex.

You shift tone and opinion to fit the room. You tell your boss what they want to hear. You adjust your style to match whoever holds power. Yes, adaptability is important. But when overused, it erases your identity. People start seeing you as agreeable, not trustworthy.

2. The “role trap.”

You start believing that your title defines you. So you speak like a “manager” instead of like you. You avoid admitting not having any clue or denying uncertainty because “managers must know”. You give feedback like it were protocol, not just a conversation. In time, you end up sounding like a corporate echo: professional, competent, but way too emotionally distant.

3. The “mask of calm.”

Managers often wear a face of composure even when they’re internally overwhelmed. But if calm becomes a mask, people sense the disconnect. Teams don’t need perfect leaders; they need real ones. There’s power in saying, “This is tough, and I don’t have all the answers, but we are going to figure it out together.”

What Authentic Leadership Looks Like (in Real Life)

Recently, I worked with a senior manager with many strengths: strategic, disciplined, and always in control. Yet his team described him as “unreachable”.

When we dug deeper, he realised that his need to appear strong had built a wall between him and his people. He thought authenticity would make him look soft. But the team's trust and engagement skyrocketed when he started sharing small things - doubts, lessons learned, even mistakes.

Authenticity doesn’t mean confessing everything. It means showing enough of yourself that others can connect to the human behind the title.

Or think of a manager who joins a new company and tries hard to fit in. She mirrors the language, copies the tone of the leadership team, and hides her natural humour. After six months, she feels drained. When she finally allows her personality to show, making a dry joke in a tense meeting, the room relaxes. Her credibility rises, not falls. Because people trust what feels real.

The Courage to Be Consistent

The hardest part about authenticity isn’t finding your voice. In every person lies the power of authenticity. It is a given we have had since the very first day of our birth. All babies are authentic. The challenge is to keep authenticity consistently across situations.

It’s easy to be authentic when things go well. Harder when pressure rises, when someone challenges you publicly, or when your boss is in the room. That’s when authenticity becomes both a choice and a practice.

A choice between pleasing and leading. Between comfort and integrity.

Practising authenticity will cost you something. You might lose a few “allies” or “friends”. Most probably, these were people who slowed or are slowing you down anyhow. You might not always be liked. But you’ll gain clarity, self-respect, and deeper trust from other people, the kind that outlasts any corporate season.

The Person in the Mirror

Next time you stand in front of the mirror, don’t just check your outfit before that big meeting. Ask yourself:

“Do the people who work with me see the same person I see here?”

If the answer is yes, congratulations. You’ve built alignment between your role and your soul.

If not, don’t worry. Authenticity isn’t a destination; it’s a dialogue between who you are and how you show up.

Maybe today, you start small. You share an honest observation. You say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out.” You speak from conviction, not caution.

Those moments, repeated over time, create a leader others want to be because you’re real, not because you’re flawless.

A Final Thought

In a world obsessed with image and instant perception, authenticity is slow work. It requires humility, curiosity, and a strong internal compass. It’s about being true enough to yourself that your leadership feels grounded.

So, the next time you look at the person in the mirror, take a longer look. How you appear is important. But more important is how you align your values, beliefs, thoughts, emotions and reactions and actions with the outcomes you are looking for.

Great management starts with a strategy based on self-honesty.

And the person in the mirror always knows when you’re pretending. That quiet awareness is the signal to reinvest your energy into strengthening your authenticity.

If you’ve been leading from the head and missing the voice of the heart, let’s talk. Reconnecting with your authentic self might be the most strategic move you make this year.

Until next time, keep thriving!

Alina Florea

Your Management Performance Coach

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